Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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