I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
