how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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