I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
