i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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