It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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