when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She said her name was "party"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
