it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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