I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
