Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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