Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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