I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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