youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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