I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
