im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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