all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
