GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this beer tastes like vomit already
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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