Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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