i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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