Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
