is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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