The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
