i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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