Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize