I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
