There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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