she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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