honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
