The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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