I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
