I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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