Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
