Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
