he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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