she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
