Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
