Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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