i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
