oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
