I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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