Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
