Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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