Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
