Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
