I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Randomize
