idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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