I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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