he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
