Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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