My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
