omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
