She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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