it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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