Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
