Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
