i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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