You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
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