I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
