these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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