now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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