My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
