Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
