Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
