did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
