Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
