I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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