duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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