She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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