I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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