Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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