Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.