my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES