I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?