I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh