I've blown a few things in my day
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
