The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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