Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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