wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
handjob tips. give me some.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
