oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish there were birth control emojis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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