Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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