we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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