I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
