i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
