and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
