I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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