Slut skills are useful in every country.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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